MEATHEADS

Version 1.5

SEA HILL TOMB DUNGEON SAMPLE

Play 26 of 250+ rooms now for FREE as a taste of the Sea Hill Tomb Mega Dungeon! Includes many dungeon denizens to meet, meals to nosh and foes to bash. Enjoy the comforts of the nearby Twelve Toes Inn meeting travelers, traders and picking up the odd job here and there.


MAKING A MEATHEAD

First, grab a record sheet from itch.io or just get a scrap of paper for now. You also need some six-sided dice and some pencils. The only type of dice you should ever need for Meatheads is the humble six-sided die (d6), which sometimes you roll as a d3 by halving the result (rounded up). A d66 table means rolling two six-sided dice and reading the results in sequential order, determining the resulting number.Roll 1d3 to determine your only stat: Strength.Strength determines four minor stats: bashing, grappling, inventory and toadies. Consult the Strength table and note your scores for each of these.Choose your people and begin with 2d6x10 coins and 1d6-2 languages. With a 0 or less, you only speak the colloquial language and cannot read, write, or interpret for others. Meatheads can choose a language when first encountering it instead of selecting at character creation.

HIT DICE (HD)

Characters also have hit dice—a number of d6s that determine your hit points (HP). New characters begin with 1 HD and therefore 1d6 HP. Hit dice also determine your Meathead’s Saving Throw as well as additional bonuses at higher levels according to the Hit Dice table.Every time a Meathead gains an HD through Mighty Feats, their HP total raises by
1d6 points. Likewise losing an HD lowers the HP total by
1d6 points for each HD lost

STRENGTH

StrengthAdjustments  
11 No adjustments.  
2+1 to bashing.  
3+1 to hit and bashing.+1 inventory and toady 
4+1 to hit and bashing.+2 inventory and toadies.+1d6 grappling.
5+1 to hit and damage. +2 bashing.+3 inventory and toadies. +2d6 grappling. 
6*+1 to hit and damage. +3 bashing.+4 inventory and toadies. +3d6 grappling. 

*The maximum for a person outside of divine intervention.


HIT DICE

HDBonusesSaving Throw
1None8+
2None, but good job! :)8+
3Add +1 when doing a Mighty Feat once a day.7+
4Attack a number of foes equal to your HD as an action.7+
5Your Signature Move chance increases to 4-in-6.7+
6Reroll a Saving Throw once a day.6+
7You can reroll a Mighty Feat once a day.6+
8Your Signature Move chance increases to 5-in-6.6+
9*Foes must test their Mettle when first sighting you.5+

*The Cap for a Meathead

PEOPLES

All sorts of folk are drawn to the ways of steel and sinew.Dwarves are smallfolk, waist height to tallfolk. They are hairy
and typically proud of it. They have an immediate hunch
towards hidden stuff (but must search the room to find it), gain
+1 to saves vs. petrification/paralysis, and +2 to hit & damage
when wielding enchanted hammers and crossbows. They can
see in total darkness by infravision up to 30 feet away.
Elves are tallfolk who may or may not live forever. It’s not
really clear, being forgetful at old age. They can listen carefully
with success 3-in-6 times, and are only caught surprised 1-in-6
times. They cannot be magically put to sleep or paralyzed, gain
+1 to save vs. spellse/enchantments, and +2 to hit & damage
when wielding enchanted spears and bows. Finally, when
firing into a melee, they never roll for a chance to accidentally
hit another target.
Hobbs are smallfolk a head shorter than a dwarf, hirsute and
round. They gain one additional hit point for each HD they
possess. This HP is lost if the HD is lost. They gain +1 to saves vs.
poisons/death, and +2 to hit & damage when wielding
enchanted clubs and slings. Finally, they incur no sneak penalties
while in groups of four or more.
Humans are well traveled tallfolk who like to talk and talk and
talk and talk and talk. They begin with an additional +2 to
languages after their initial language roll, 4d6x2 additional
coins, and gain +2 to hit & damage when wielding enchanted
swords and staffs.
Lizardmen are chill tallfolk. They don’t even gender so don’t
stress the “men” stuff, man. They have an unarmored AC of 4,
can hold their breath for one hour, and gain +2 to hit & damage
when wielding enchanted daggers and flails. They are cold
blooded and thus do not appear in infravision, but are
susceptible to extreme cold. Finally, while completely still, they
can camouflage into the background, detected only 2-in-6 times.
Orcs are tallfolk but may as well be called widefolk. They love
the sun on their skin and to swim, floating safely in water even
up to AC 7. They gain a +1 to bashing and +2 to hit & damage
when wielding enchanted axes and javelins. Finally, orcs ignore
the dual-wielding penalty for to-hit rolls.
What else? Making any being into a Meathead is simple: choose a cool thing then add relevant capabilities or bonuses. As always, consult with your referee.

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EQUIPMENT

WeaponsCoins
5 Arrows/Bolts10
1 Bullet Cartridge10
Battle Axe16
Blunderbuss60
Bow, Long40
Bow, Short25
Crossbow10
Crossbow, Heavy25
Dagger5
Club3
Flail20
Greatsword50
Hackbutt80
Hammer6
Handaxe6
Mace10
Maul20
Sling4
Shield15
Staff4
Spear5
Sword, short10
Sword, long20
Pike10
Pistol20
Polearm18
ArmorACCoins
Light Foot, 10 spaces of Movement,
Buff Coat/Gambeson/Jack of Plate/Hides
420
Medium Foot, 8 spaces of Movement
Brigandine/Mail/Scale/Coin/Chitin
640
Heavy Foot, 6 spaces of Movement
Breastplate/Full Plate/Exosuit/Stone
8200
Shield ◆N/A15
Helmet ●N/A10
◆ +1 to AC. Dual wielding shields does not provide an additional +1 AC, but instead grants a +1 to bash chances and can be destroyed as per a helm.

● Lowers chance to listen to 1-in-6 chance. The wearer may choose to have the helm broken to negate a single hit against them.

Enchanted Shields cannot be split and ignore any damage result of 1 on a d6.
  
GearUtilityCoins
BackpackTakes 2 slots wear wear and holds 6 slots.5
Garlic Bunch, 6d6Vampires Hate it!2
Holy Electrolyte WaterUndead melt from its hydrating salvation.20
LampEnclosed flame, protected from elements.10
Mallet & 10 StakesKeeps doors, ropes and hands in place.8
MirrorFor checking corners and that mug of yours.5
Pole, 10’For poking and prodding, it takes up 2 slots.1
Pole, Extending 5’-10’As so above, but folds into 1 slot.10
Rations, PreppedAs Meager meals.5
Rope, 50’Oftentimes the last option in the dungeon...5
Silver MirrorTurns 3 HD worth of 1d6 Undead.25
Torches, 6Lights an area of 20’. Fragile to elements.2
Water SkinDoesn’t have to be water wink wink.2
WeightPlates, stones, blocks1:lb
Vial, EmptyHolds about a pint. 3 to a slot.2
Vial, OilRefills lamps and ignites when burst open!6


STARTING PACKS
Headbasher - 75 coin
Everything needed to wallop skulls and avoid skull walloping.
Begin with chainmail, two helmets, a mace, 6 torches, 10’ pole, waterskin, and chewing tobacco.Gloater - 75 coin
Bells and whistles and the coin to back it up. Flaunt it if you got it baby.
Begin with scalemail, shield, two spears, a vial of hair oil, a brass mirror, a makeup kit and a hairbrush.Spelunker - 50 coin
For the sensitive types. Probably climbing up high to write about their feelings.
Begin with leather gambeson, staff, 50’ of rope, mallet & 10 stakes, lamp, flask of oil, pouch of sand, and a journal and quill.Donkey Hunter - 50 coin
When a donkey goes astray, it needs a smack on the ass to get running home.
Begin with a leather buffcoat, crossbow, club, 15 bolts, monocular, 3 carrots, a set of prepped rations, and an extending pole.Starker - 30 coin
No laws, no masters, no decency.
Begin with a battleaxe or two handaxes, four javelins, 3 sets of prepped rations, 3 garlic bunches, and a camping kit with rain proof, hide tent.Pig Porter - 30 coin
Hauling pigs one stye to the next may be the only honest work left in this world.
Begin with a handaxe, two backpacks, five 10-foot poles, two water skins, and 6 torches.

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BASICS

SAVING THROWS

Situations that cannot be solved through circumstance, equipment,
or planning can be resolved by passing a Saving Throw (or
Save or ST). When called to make a save, roll 2d6 equal to or higher
than the value according to the Hit Dice table. Some saves
may call for specificity, such as “save vs hubris” or “save vs
paralysis”. In this case, add any bonus you may have from a
character's choice of people or background as well as enchanted
items or other such sources.

A stone block crashes down on Jordan’s Meathead, Chug the orc, who quickly tries to side step the trap! Jordan rolls 2d6 for a saving throw, adding a +1 bonus from a recent Meager Meal, and gets a result of 10. Chug has HD 2, so he exceeds the 8+ requirement and jumps out of the way just in time!

STRENGTH

You are a Meathead out the gate, doing strong things comes
naturally to you. Whether you want to lift a pig or throw a barrel
full of wine, you do so with muscled gusto. It is only when
presented with seemingly impossible tasks of Strength do you rely on Mighty Feats to accomplish your goals.

ASSISTANCE

When confronted with a task requiring Strength, if the total number of people have a combined Strength of 6 or higher, the task is accomplished with collective brute force. Toadies have a Strength of ½ for this purpose, so that two toadies would contribute 1 Strength.

MIGHTY FEATS

What is strength without action? Mere pretense. Only by testing one’s limits can a Meathead truly advance. Mighty feats are gutsy, solitary acts that grant HD. Either a player may announce their attempt at a mighty feat or a referee may ask for one. They must be announced before witnesses and performed without assistance.Backing out after declaring a mighty feat forfeits the attempt and cannot be attempted again until a day passes. So declared, roll 2d6 against the target number listed on the mighty feats table. Bonuses from supplements, meals or other sources can give you an edge with this roll, so juice up! Success means you not only accomplish your goal, but you also advance to the next HD level along with a clamorous cheer.If the test fails, you must pass a save vs. hubris or receive a temporary injury (p22). Worse, toadies who witness your shameful display have a 2-in-6 chance to abandon you at their first opportunity.Moreover, double 1s on the 2d6 means an embarrassingly dangerous failure and a permanent injury. Conversely, double 6s is a flawless success, and your Strength raises by +1 instantly. You make it look easy!Once attempted, whether success or failure, you can no longer attempt the same mighty feat, so make it count! Record all mighty feats accomplished on your character sheet. If you’re curious to hear if a stranger has heard of you before, roll 2d6 under the number of mighty feats you’ve accomplished so far to see if they recognize your name from your song-worthy deeds.

BEEFY BETS

Alternatively, you can challenge each other in a direct contest. Who can run up the mountain first? Who can swim across the lake in the heaviest armor? Who can win the heart of the barbarian queen? The winner of the bet gains 1 HD while the loser loses 1 HD so, careful not to perish from shame, losers. Any number of Meatheads can participate in a bet and any number of HD can be bet. Beware the Meathead surrounded by weaklings, for they may not always have been so.

GOADS

It is possible, however, to strive well beyond your assumed limits and perform a mighty feat at higher HD targets. Fellow Meatheads can goad you on, offering additional qualifiers or complications to the grand act. Each goad grants an additional +1 HD bonus if the feat is completed under the new, more difficult conditions, raising the target number along with it. So, a twice goaded mighty feat from a 2 HD Meathead would require exceeding or meeting 9, as per the new HD 4 target.In this way Meatheads can show up their doubters and haters, immediately hurdling up in HD. Naturally, there is an additional drawback. Failing a goaded mighty feat requires the usual injury save (with the possibility of doubles), but instead incurs a number of injuries equal to the amount of goads. Finally, Meatheads who want to show up such pretenders can attempt to steal the gains for themselves, but must agree to all previously stated goads and one more for good measure.

INVENTORY

You have a number of item slots equal to 12 plus any adjustments from your Strength score. Items typically take up 1 slot, but items large enough to require two hands take up 2 slots, while palm-sized items are carried as 3:1 slot. Armor takes up a number of slots equal to its AC value, worn or otherwise, while helms occupy 1 slot and shields occupy 2 slots when not held.Lugging the bodies or equivalent of smallfolk counts as 4 slots, while tallfolk count as 8 slots. Items held in hand do not occupy slots unless otherwise noted. Every Meathead possesses a loot sack to keep treasure in. This sack has 6 slots of which it can hold a single art object or 500 coins.Exceeding inventory slots slows the carrier by one movement class as if wearing the next heaviest armor class. Worse, foes gain +2 to hit against them. Exceeding heavy foot renders you immobile.

TOADIES

Muscle admirers, porters, suckers, and everything in between. You can have 2 toadies, adjusted by your Strength score. To enlist a toady, your mere presence is typically enough to impress them, though different strokes for different folks. Toadies have 1 HD and 2d6+5 Strength. They may move and perform a single action during their turn in combat.Their loyalty is kept with fair treatment, steady rewards, and glory. In times of danger or embarrassment, toadies test their mettle by passing a saving throw, otherwise their confidence wavers and they start second guessing or flee. Thankfully, thinking is not their main job. Players can designate one toady as their Meathead's heir, playing them as their next character if the former were to get pancaked, starting their Strength at 1 in such cases.

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COMBAT

Choose your fights lest they choose you. When combat begins, each player character who rolls 2d6 equal to or over their AC acts before the opponent side, otherwise they act afterwards along with the toadies. Catching a side surprised means the surprising party takes their entire turn before rolling initiative, such as in the case of ambush.Combatants can act in any order when it is their side’s time. When every combatant has acted, the round ends, representing up to a dozen seconds in the heat of battle Then, a new round begins by rolling for whose side takes the initiative, and on it goes. On your turn, you can move and perform two actions in any order.Examples of combat actions include: attacking, opening a door, bashing, grappling, drinking a potion, switching a weapon, getting something from your bag, or similar. Ultimately, it’s up to your referee to what counts as an action. You can expend two actions to move again. At the referee’s discretion, you can defer your action(s) to trigger under certain conditions, such as an ambush when the dirty dogs enter the canyon.

MOVEMENT

Movement and distance, especially during exploration, are measured in spaces of 10 square feet. A space in combat is generally occupied by two tallfolk or up to four smallfolk. Another being cannot move through your space unless you allow or if it overwhelms you.You can move through a number of spaces according to your movement class dictated by your armor. Swimming in anything heavier than light armor requires passing a Strength test every round, or drown as per Crush damage.Pass a saving throw when moving through unsteady, difficult, or shaky terrain or slow your stride to the next heavier movement class. Standing from prone uses 2 spaces of movement.Spaces on a home table could be 1 inch with a ruler, a single grid on a dry erase map, or a single square on a digital map streamed from your computer; whatever works best at your table.

MOVEMENT CLASS (MC)

MCCombat/StealthDungeon (double)Quad (quadruple)
Unarmored12 Spaces24 Spaces48 Spaces
Light Foot10 Spaces20 Spaces40 Spaces
Medium Foot8 Spaces16 Spaces32 Spaces
Heavy Foot6 Spaces12 Spaces24 Spaces

ARMOR CLASS (AC)

Armor class ascends up from Unarmored (AC 2), to Light (AC 4), to Medium (AC 6) to Heavy (AC 8). A shield always adds +1 to your AC. In this way, all characters wearing only armor will have an EVEN number for their AC, while characters with armor and shield will have an ODD number.Some foes are huge and have their own to-hit column. This is referred to as “Large” and the slightly beefier “Large & Armored”. These columns can be used for larger monsters or for mounted foes, anything generally larger than a bear that doesn’t fit the logic of conventional armor.

WEAPON CLASS (WC)

Generally, the larger the weapon, the higher its weapon class. Certain weapons are better against some armor types than others; a mace is more effective versus a foe in plate than a short sword would be, whereas a flail hits shielded foes more easily.Weapon Class 6 and above (with the exception of spears) suffer a -2 penalty to hit when fighting in very close quarters: narrow tunnels, tight corridors, any space where two people cannot stand abreast. Smallfolk may be exempt from such penalties at the referee’s discretion.Weapon Class 9 and above (with the exception of greatswords) can reach to attack enemies 2 spaces away.Weapon Class 3 or lower can be used to deal damage during grapples.

ATTACKS

To hit an opponent, roll 2d6 adding any bonuses you may have, such as any to hit bonuses you may have. Using the Weapon Attack Matrix (p26), compare your result to the target number listed for your weapon vs. your opponent's Armor Class (AC). If the result of your roll is equal to or greater than the target number, you hit. Successful hits roll 1d6 on the Weapon Damage Matrix according to their weapon and inflict the corresponding result in damage to the target’s HP. Any bonus to weapon damage are added onto this 1d6 roll, not the damage result.Like Mighty Feats, double 6’s on an attack roll inflict double damage. Conversely, double 1’s indicate an embarrassing fumble like slipping, swinging wide, dropping your weapon, or even hurting your own allies, at the discretion of your referee. Ranged attacks work the same way as melee attacks, except that their target number is determined by the range—near, medium, and long. Firing or throwing a weapon into a melee scuffle has a 2-in-6 chance to hit an unintended target. Roll randomly if there are multiple engaged combatants.As always, you can hold an action until certain conditions are met outside your turn, deferring it, such as firing at someone when they move out of cover. Additionally, you can spend your entire turn to aim carefully and gain a +2 to hit on your first attack next round. Holding fire or aiming carefully requires you to remain still, unable to move until firing, or else abandon the shot.Attacking unaware opponents while sneaking always hits and gains +2 to the damage roll. Attacks against prone targets receive a +2 bonus to be hit.Damage can be done directly to HD in some instances, completely stripping it away as if losing it completely. Targets losing HD this way are slain when reaching 0 HD. For example a 2 HD target that takes 2 HD damage is automatically slain.Any melee weapon can be wielded two-handed. Hitting with a weapon while two-handing means the attacker rolls their damage die twice and takes their preferred result. This also applies to melee weapons that require two hands to wield.Any melee weapon that doesn't require two hands to hold can be dual-wielded, attacking twice as a single action. However, each attack made receives a -1 to hit.

Chug swings his mace at the killer ant (AC 5), so Jordan rolls 2d6 to hit and gets a 10—a success! Chug wields his mace with two hands, so Jordan rolls 2d6 and chooses the better result. He gets 3 and 6, and so chooses the 6 for 7 points of damage!

BASHING

Quick and brutal maneuvers: a shove, a shoulder check, a big swing; bashing flings an object or creature back 1 space, either knocking them into other objects or combatants, or falling prone on the ground.Bashing succeeds 2+(X)-in-6 times where X is the bonus determined by your Strength score. You can never have more than a 5-in-6 chance of success. Stuck doors can be opened by bashing. Locked doors can also be bashed open though their chance of success is always lowered by 1. Bashing is likewise effective for toppling weakened walls or wobbly statues.

GRAPPLING

Grapplers roll a number of dice equal to their HD against one another with the highest total controlling the grapple. Strength scores may add a bonus or penalty accordingly.If winning a grapple, record the result. Controlling the grapple means they're putty in your hands. Doing anything to your foe while grappling takes an action: pinning them, tossing them, headlocking them, noogying and such. Grappled foes break out by attempting to roll higher than the result that initially beat them.Each round grappled foes must pass a save to test their mettle and not surrender (p41). Additionally, you may use your full turn to tighten the grip and deal Crush damage.If you fail to grapple your opponent, you must make a critical choice. Choose to suffer damage per the foe’s weapon, be restrained with +1 hit against you, or be thrown to the ground and receive a temporary injury. Weapons Class 3 or lower can be used to attack during grapples.

PARRYING

When in melee you can attempt to parry an attack on yourself. This can be done once per round. The catch is you must expend an action to parry, having one less action to use during your turn. If you already used all your actions, you cannot parry and so it may be advisable to keep an action in the tank.The attacker suffers a -2 to their hit. If the attacker misses and you wield a weapon class equal to or lower than the attacker’s, you can immediately make a counterattack without spending an action. If your parrying weapon is of a higher class than the attacker's, you can still attempt a counterattack, but must use another action.If the attacker hits the parryer’s exact AC target number, the weapon with the lower class breaks (or smacked away if enchanted), but you suffer no damage. lf both weapons are of the same class during an equal AC hit, they are both smacked aside leaving each combatant unarmed.

SIGNATURE MOVES

All Meatheads have a showstopper. The tripping tricep! A battle-axe uppercut! Spitting blood 360 degrees! A signature move is performed alongside attacks (with a to-hit roll) or as an action itself. In either case, signature moves have a base 3-in-6 chance to succeed in their debilitating effect, improving with HD.Circumstance may adjust the chance, at the referee’s discretion. The effect a signature move will have on the situation is contextual, adjudicated by the player and referee to cause a penalty to the target. If out of ideas, roll for an injury!

CRUSHING

When afflicted by ongoing damage from an effect or circumstance (e.g. drowning, poison, being crushed under a boulder) you lose a cumulative 1d6 HP each round during combat or each turn during exploration.

INJURIES

Temporary injuries last until a week of full rest. Permanent ones are just that; with you forever. An injury can be assigned by the referee according to the incident that caused it or roll 1d6 on the Injuries table. Repeated injuries to body parts do not compound but instead spread to an uninjured body part.

1Knee-2 movement spaces.
2Leg-1 Mighty Feat roll.
3Shoulder-1 to bashing chance.
4Arm-2 to grapple results.
5Back-2 inventory slots.
6Head-1 to saving throws.

DEATH

When you reach 0 hit points, roll a saving throw vs. death. This save can only be done if having eaten a meal. Failure means you're dead meat.Success means you survive at 1 HP and receive a SCAR. A scar alleviates a permanent injury if you have one and imparts scar tissue—an extra 1d3 HP that is lost first when damaged and healed first when rested. For every scar you show off, you can attract an additional toady.

TESTING METTLE

When a foe is losing the fight, suffers an embarrassment, or is expected to keep their cool, they test their mettle by passing a saving throw. Failure means they run away or retreat. Someone’s confidence can be bolstered by numbers, guts, good meals or recklessness, granting bonuses ranging from +1 to +4 at the referee’s discretion. Some foes will surrender or grovel if escape isn’t likely to work.

CHASES

If a chase goes down, compare the speeds of the two parties. Remember, a party moves as fast as its slowest member, unless it risks splitting apart. There is an X-in-6 chance the fleeing party will escape their pursuers where X is the margin of difference between the two speeds. This chance is increased by +1 if the fleers drop treasure or meals to entice their pursuers (that is of course if they care about that kinda stuff), as well as for each corner turned while fleeing. If chances ever rise to or over a 6- in-6 chance, the fleers automatically escape their pursuers.Faster pursuers will simply catch up to the fleeing parties unless otherwise thwarted by traps, obstacles or desperate bargaining.

ENCHANTED ITEMS

All enchanted weapons gain +1 bonus to hit and damage rolls. Those bonuses may increase depending on the Meathead’s character creation. Enchanted armor does not improve AC but instead takes only half its normal inventory space to wear. Enchanted shields cannot be split and negate any damage rolls of 1 or 2.Beyond numeric bonuses, enchanted items tend to have weird quirks.Example: Western Lord’s Gada: A spherical mace, gilded with gold-engraved monkeys plucking apples of studded rubies. On a damage die result of 6+, transform a random limb of the target (determined by injury table) into solid gold, valuable as an artwork.

GUNS & EXPLOSIONS

Whenever you fire guns in a skirmish, the referee increases the wandering encounter chance by 1 to a maximum of 5-in-6. This chance lowers by 1 with each passing hour (6 turns).Bullets and gunpowder are packaged in paper cartridges, and can be procured from a gunsmith for 10 coins per shot. Once fired, it takes a 10 minute dungeon turn to reload all guns with a bullet cartridge. Most guns operate by matchlock ignition and do not work while wet. Guns billow forth smoke, obscuring small or enclosed rooms for a -1 to hit when two shots or more shots are fired in the same encounter. Shooting guns scares off any befriended beasts in the party unless you can roll under your beast bond.It gets worse. When fired, there is a 1-in-6 chance of a misfire—suffer 1d3 HP damage, and the gun is jammed. Reloading and clearing misfires.For all their faults, guns strip HD directly from the target, instead of HP. Hit targets lose an HD equal to the gun’s damage and reroll their HP to keep the lower result, as when a Meathead loses HD (p5). If their HD reaches 0, they die. Ka-plow!Guns blast off locks with a 4-in-6 chance. Failure jams the lock entirely. In either case, the noise from blasting locks has a 2-in-6 chance of an immediate wandering encounter.Explosions caused by, well, explosives, inflict 1d3+2 HD damage in the target space/s and 2d6 HP damage to all spaces around it. Explosives can blow open most sealed containers and blocked passages, yet have a 5-in-6 chance of a wandering encounter. Blowing open a container (chest, lockbox, coffin) has a 2-in-6 chance of damaging the contents inside, halving their value.Using explosives in ancient ruins, unstable caves and other such delicate areas always has a minimum 2-in-6 chance to cause a cave in. Save to escape collapsing debris, or suffer 1d3 HD damage. Those still alive are trapped underneath and suffer crushing damage every turn.

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DOWNTIME

PUMPING IRON

During your downtime, if you aren't healing from an injury,
there isn't much to do except get your pump on. Every week
you spend devoted to training in your safehouse, roll 1d6. If the
result is greater than your current score, increase your Strength
by +1 (max of 6). Spending more than four weeks without
pumping iron always lowers your Strength by -1 point (min of 1).

MEALS

Meatheads march on their stomach. You gain the benefits of a meal for the entire day. A superior meal’s effects supersedes a lower meal. Eating a meal takes one dungeon turn (10 minutes) and grants a save vs. death should you reach 0 HP or 0 HD. If you eat something dubious, pass a saving throw to not get sick!Meager
Save vs. death. Slop offered at dingy taverns and isolated inns for 5 coins.
Modest
Save vs. death, +1 to saving throws, and mighty feats. Balanced meals found at any cozy village or
town tavern cost 10 coins.
Magnificent
Save vs. death, +2 to saving throws, and mighty feats. The kind of meal at a banquet hall or fine dining will cost at least 30 coins.
Feeding toadies out of your own coffers gives them a saving throw bonus equal to the meal’s quality (1, 2, or 3) for the day.Passing a week of downtime requires a place to stay and a meal everyday. It’s a luxury to hang out! For simple meal prep for passing weeks refer to the chart below. The bare minimum sustenance you need for a week is a meager meal and a place to sleep.Meals
Meager 35 coins.
Modest 70 coins.
Magnificent 210 coins.
Rest
Safehouse FREE
Dingy Inn 70 coins.
Humble Inn 140 coins.
Fine Inn 280 coins.

REST & SLEEPING

Outside of dungeon environments, resting and sleeping for a week heals you entirely and alleviates one temporary injury.Rests are short, paranoid watches done in dungeons or dangerous places. Spending one hour (6 turns) to rest while dungeon diving restores 2d3 HP. Each hour spent resting in dangerous areas has a 1-in-6 chance of incurring a wandering encounter.Sleep might be the most important thing for a Meathead’s constitution. When sleeping in comfort, a Meathead rolls all their hit dice together and restores the resulting amount to their HP total.Additionally, Meathead can reroll all HD together anytime after sleeping to try and get a larger HP total. If the result of rolling all your Hit Dice is over your current HP total, keep the new result. Anytime you attempt this and fail to get over your current HP, it stays the same.

SAFEHOUSES

All treasures and items can be kept securely at a safe house maintained for 1000 coins each month by at least one dedicated toady. You can pump iron for the week uninterrupted in a safe house without risk of danger from the outside. Additionally, Meatheads can both rest and sleep safely without chance for encounters in safehouses.Acquiring a safe house is as simple as claiming a room in a dungeon, squatting in an abandoned shack, or building your own cabin, but it takes a full day to make it your own place of comfort. It always needs an upkeep cost and toady to maintain it and watch it. For every 2000 coins of value kept in your hideout, an additional toady is required for upkeep and security. Without the additional toadies, there is a 2-in-6 chance of thieves picking 2d6x100 coins each month, and a 1-in-6 chance of a raid conducted by 3d6 bad dudes.Safehouses in the megadungeon multiply upkeep cost and toadies by the level’s depth (e.g. a safehouse on the second level of a megadungeon costs 2000 coins per month and 2 toadies to secure safely, before adding treasure).

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COMBAT MATRICES

Melee Combat

MELEE COMBATWC ↓LFLFLFMFMFMFHFHFLARGEL&A
Weapon Vs.AC →234567891011
Unarmed0678910101011910
Dagger16789810910810
Hand Axe/Club26777991010810
Short Sword/Shield355698101011810
Mace/Hammer46878910101089
Long Sword55768891111810
Battle Axe667788991079
Flail786879810999
Maul877788991088
Spear/Staff9677889101179
Pole Arm105667789968
Greatsword116767788978
Pike1288888991057

Ranged Combat

MISSILE COMBATRange* ↓LFLFLFMFMFMFHFHFLARGEL&A
Weapon Vs. ↓AC →23456789  
Throw Object ●3/6/126-7-87-8-107-8-118-9-118-9-1110-11-1110-11-1110-11-X8-9-X9-X-X
Short Bow8/16/326-7-86-7-87-8-97-8-97-9-109-10-119-11-X11-X-X8-9-109-10-11
Javelin or Spear5/10/155-6-75-6-86-7-96-7-97-8-108-10-119-11-X10-11-X9-11-X10-12-X
Crossbow8/16/326-6-76-7-87-7-87-7-98-8-108-10-119-11-X10-11-X8-9-109-10-11
Long Bow10/20/407-7-77-7-87-8-87-8-97-8-87-8-108-9-98-9-107-8-108-9-10
Heavy Crossbow10/20/406-7-87-7-87-7-87-7-87-8-97-8-107-8-107-9-117-8-108-9-10
Sling8/16/325-6-76-7-97-8-97-8-107-8-119-10-1110-11-X10-11-X7-8-119-10-11
Hackbut10/20/306-6-76-6-76-6-77-7-88-8-99-9-109-10-119-10-117-8-98-9-10
Pistol6/12/245-7-85-7-86-7-86-8-97-9-108-9-108-10-119-11-X8-9-109-10-X
Blunderbuss4/6/84-9-104-9-104-9-105-10-116-10-117-10-118-10-X9-11-X4-7-116-9-X

●Most any melee weapons can be thrown. In this regard, use the Damage listed for the weapon. (e.g. Throwing a handaxe hits as a thrown object but still damages as a handaxe)

Melee Damage

Damage Roll1234567+
Battle Axe ◆ ▴23357810
Dagger1234468
Club ▪2233467
Fail1234589
Greatsword ◆33467911
Hammer ▪1234678
Hand Axe ▴1334579
Mace ▪2235678
Maul ◆ ▪22357910
Shield ▪1224457
Staff ➤1223456
Spear ➤1234568
Sword, Short1234578
Sword, Long2235689
Pike ◆ ➤1344679
Polearm ◆ ➤24456810
Unarmed1223446

NOTES:
◆ Two-Handed required. Always move after foes in initiative.
▴ Wedged Weapons can forgo damage to attempt the splitting of a shield. 2-in-6 chance for a hand axe. 4-in-6 for a battle axe. Enchanted axes increase this chance by 1.
▪ Bashing Weapons increase the chance to Bash by 1, to a max of a 5-in-6 chance. Mauls increase this chance instead by 2.
➤ Long-shafted Weapons can be braced as an action against charging foes, readying an attack for +2 to Hit and doubling Damage.

Missile Damage

Damage Roll1234567+
Crossbow1234468
Heavy Crossbow ◆33445810
Short Bow2233568
Long Bow ◆23456710
Javelin or Spear33455811
Thrown Object ●1233457
Sling1224569
Blunder Buss ◆Near 1d3 HDMedium 2d6 HPFar 1d6    
Hackbut ◆All Ranges1d3 HD     
PistolAll Ranges1 HD
    

●Any thrown Object that is not a weapon.

COMBAT OPTIONS

If combat matrices are not to your taste, roll a d12 using the same bonus modifiers included in this book. Simply use the AC number listed alongside armor type, from 2 to 9. Large foes count as having an AC of 10 while Large & Armored as 11. When firing ranged weapons, subtract -1 to hit for each furthering range increment beyond near range.For damage you can swap out the Meathead damage matrix with the traditional 1d6 damage from classical crawlers, the d4-d12 chain, or anything combination. So long as the foes follow suit then everyone is on the same playing field. If HD is the measure of meat, then combat is entirely a matter of taste.Combat matrices are encouraged to be experimented with! Each result on the table is a chance for a quirk or ability, not just a hit point damage number, and is especially useful for creating swingy enchanted weapons.A NOTE ON WEAPON QUALITiES: Bashing, wedged and long-shafted are the only defined qualities. Weapons such as maces and flails already reflect their bonus against armor type in the to-hit table, while signature moves encourage experimentation and risk. As such, these qualities reflect their use as tools. Hammers are good at bashing, an axe’s wedge lies in the strength to split, and the defensive stance of a braced spear is the simple use of the ground beneath you. It is the author’s opinion that these three qualities are strong alone, and that not every plain weapon needs a “trick” or ability to it.A NOTE ON FIREARM DAMAGE: Hackbuts are long barreled two-handed firearms. Pistols are short barreled firearms held single handedly. Blunderbusses are short barreled, large caliber firearms held with two hands, dealing varying damage depending on range. Firearms strip HD away from foes and can be read more about on.

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SPELLS

I know what you’re thinking: spells? In Meatheads?? That’s right, that’s nerd shit! A Meathead can be smart and resourceful and cut a corner or two but they’re not a freakin’ nerd!! As such, a Meathead who is caught juicing with a spell even once loses all their Toadies and can never attract them again. That all said… just keep it on the down low dummy…Spells are recanted words that cause the perceived world to bear true its full illusions. Big idea stuff, above the average Meathead’s paygrade. Wise sages, musty grimoires, and the runes of druids are all fonts of spellworthy knowledge to erudite Meatheads.A Meathead can memorize spells according to their total language points. Memorized spells require a number of language points as shown in their parenthesis. Spells do not take up points like languages, instead your total language points measures how many spells you can memorize for the day. If a Meathead can write in any language, they can keep a spell book.Once muttered, roll 2d6 under your language points to remember the spell after utterance, otherwise you forget it for the day. Some spells require certain actions or materials as noted in their description, but are always spoken aloud and require the caster to be able to speak. Any spell spoken takes the entire turn to cast and cannot be coupled with other actions.Spell Name - (Language point requirement) Description of spell’s effect and the components required for its casting. Spells are just calling out the bullshit of this world and daring it to change.Belch - (3) By rubbing your tummy and speaking this spell you transmute the meal in your stomach into a forceful burp. Everyone in a single space is automatically bashed and must pass a save or suffer a -2 To Hit rolls from being shocked by belch for 1d3 turns. This eliminates whatever meal is in the Meathead’s stomach and its effect.Bless You - (2) Sneeze and spell at the same time in the face of your foe. They make a saving throw, passing means they lose one action the next round. Failure means that for the next hour, whenever that target performs an action, they have a 3-in-6 chance of interrupting it with a big sneeze.Bolster Muscle - (2) Speaking the spell upon your lips and kissing your muscles will pump eldritch blood through your veins. When testing a mighty feat, add 1d3 onto your 2d6 roll. Failing this roll causes a permanent injury and you lose an amount of Strength points equal to the margin of failure.Break - (2) A pluck of a hair slicked along the object and pressed with the thumb, symbolizing the first word in the lingo of earth spirits. Steel now snaps like a bird’s bone. Effects objects up to two slots in size. Targeting an object in someone’s hands has a 3-in-6 chance of breaking. Does not effect enchanted items.Color Gas - (3) Fart in your hand and toss it to the wind while speaking the spell casts a dazzling display, like a cosmos of coral wavering under tropic waters. This spray is cast in 1d3 spaces, affecting up to a total of 2d6 HD worth of targets. This HD value can be split amongst multiple targets. Those affected must pass a save or fall unconscious from the gas. Fighting in the color gas imparts a -2 penalty to melee hits, and increases the odds of mistargeting a ranged attack by +1.Cone of Feathers - (2) Squawking the ancient words of avians and doing your best chicken impression, you blast targets with a torrent of chicken feathers. Targets are stuck with feathers for 3d6 damage unless passing a save, in which they take half damage and are sadly unfeathered.Embiggen Thumb - (1) Blubbering the spell then placing a thumb in your mouth will increase its size to great honking proportions! It attacks as a club. Lasts for 2d3 hours. While active, “Thumbs” replaces “Arms” on the injury table, breaking on injury for -1 to hit until healed after a week’s rest.Flame - (1) Covering fingertips in oil and pinching them will ignite a candle flame sized light in one space for as long as your hand remains pinched. The flame is extinguished when your fingers release.Force Bash - (1) Do a bashing action from 6 spaces away with the power of your meaty mind! This bash has a base chance of 3- in-6. Your head veins swell and bulge after each exertion. Pass a save or lose 1d6+1 HP as the blood-vessels in your eyes burst and bloody matter gushes from your nose.Hear Undead - (1) Stuff your ear with graveyard dirt, for as long as you do, you can hear the dead when listening carefully, even while they are standing still, but otherwise listen at a -1 lower chance.Heated Touch - (2) Rub your hands together furiously until they glow red hot. Flammable things you touch combust. Flaming unarmed attacks deal an extra 2d6 fire damage, while holding metal weapons heats them for 1d6 fire damage. Lasts for an hour or until your hands are plunged into holy water.Hydrate - (1) Blow into your closed fist after rasping the spell, producing enough water from the other end to fill a vial.Injury Ward - (2) Speaking the spell with a mouth full of spit will enchant the saliva. Spat upon a body part corresponding to the injury table, this spell will negate that result if rolled. It can be applied to multiple injury results, but breaks once that result is rolled.Lead Frog - (1) Squeezing a ball of lead in your palm will shape it into a frog. This frog will hop along with the party at a frog's pace, clanking loudly along hard surfaces. On command, it leads the party back to the dungeon’s entrance, incurring wandering encounters with a 2-in-6 chance every turn.Leap - (1) With a terse blessing and a spit on each foot, you are able to perform your next leap up to 3 spaces high or 5 spaces long.Lighten Armor - (2) Spelling the name of a true love onto your armor will lighten it upon your shoulders. For an entire day, the inscribed armor will allow a Meathead to move as if wearing one Armor Class lighter, up to moving as unarmored if applicable. It feels like wearing nothing at all!Lighten Load - (1) Whispering a sweet plea to an object has it occupy only half its slot value for the day.Magnetic Grip - (2) This spell only works with a coin embedded into the flesh of the caster’s palm. Reaching outwards at a metal object smaller than you pulls it towards you, a larger object will pull you towards it. This reach works over 3 spaces.Make Stuck - (2) Anything that can be open can be made stuck. Gently bonk the lid or hinge of such an object, it now acts as a stuck item that can only be opened by bashing or Strength tests.Produce Eel - (1) Wriggling from your sleeve comes a slimy 3 ft eel. There is a 1-in-6 chance of it being electrified, shocking for 1d6 damage.Screaming Hand - (2) Shout in your hand and swing as the air whizzes through your fingers like the whistles of a dozen hound masters. Hits as club with a bonus to hit equal to your total number of language points, dealing damage as a greatsword.Seating - (1) Everyone needs to sit now and again. A small stool pops under you as you're about to sit. Seating lasts forever.Shrink Meal - (2) Shrink meals to stack their bonuses together. Everytime you eat a meal this way there is a culminating 1-in-6 chance (up to 5-in-6) your stomach bursts, losing 1d3 HD.Sticky Fingers - (1) Spitting the spell into your hands and rubbing them together will make your mitts extremely sticky. You receive a +2 bonus to Grappling rolls and can easily climb vertical walls for 1d6 hours. Interaction with anything has a 1-in-6 chance of it becoming stuck to you. This can be ripped off but causes 1d3 HP damage to you.Stitch - (2) Biting your lip enough to draw blood, you trace it over wounds that seal from your finger passing over raw flesh, like a seamstress pulling two seams together. You heal a value of Xd6 HP where X is equal to your language slots.Stretch Limbs - (1) Chew gum while speaking the spell, bathing the gum in your saliva. Wrapping the gum around a limb will allow it to stretch once over 3 spaces before returning to normal. Afterwards, the gum will snap and lose its magic.Sweat Grease - (2) Drink a pint of any old grease. After each turn you sweat enough grease to collect a vial’s worth, which sits on the skin to be used or collected. This spell lasts 1d3 turns. This grease sweat is washed away from liquids, dried from wind or frigid cold. Especially hot areas will double the amount of sweat. Works in a pinch as lantern oil!Thicken Skull - (3) Write the spell upon your forehead in the blood of a slain foe. Your bare head now acts like a Helm for the day. When chosen to break and negate a single attack (as per helm) you must pass a save or gain a temporary head injury. Head butting an opponent attacks as a maul with a +1 chance to bash.Track Wizard - (3) Cursing the wizard’s name three times over will fill your nostrils with their stench! You are able to track down this wizard over 100 kilometers through scent whenever you pass a save to track them. Lasts until the wizard is slain.Twirl - (1) Twirling your finger at a target causes it to pass a save or be spun around up to 180 degrees. Unattended inanimate objects (up to dining table size) require no Saving Throw. Heavier objects are spun on successful Strength tests.Spellcasters always have a magic trick up their sleeve. When encountering a spellcasting foe and in need of a spell to sling or teach, roll on the tables below using one or more corresponding themes.Evil Wizard
1 Screaming Hand
2 Heated Touch
3 Color Gas
4 Magnetic Grip
5 Break
6 Make Stuck
Haggard Crone
1 Seating
2 Sweat Grease
3 Cone of Feathers
4 Bless You
5 Belch
6 Track Wizard
Druidic Shaman
1 Produce Eel
2 Sticky Fingers
3 Hydrate
4 Lead Frog
5 Flame
6 Thicken Skull
Faithful Priest
1 Bolster Muscle
2 Stitch
3 Force Bash
4 Lighten Armor
5 Hear Undead
6 Injury Ward
Body Sculptor
1 Lighten Load
2 Stretch Limbs
3 Leap
4 Shrink Meal
5 Embiggen Thumb
6 Twirl

REFEREE TIPS

DUNGEON CRAWLING

Outside of combat, but within dangerous environments, a single turn is ten minutes. Six turns take one hour. Each turn dungeon crawling, a Meathead moves double the spaces listed on their movement category (Dungeon Speed). This is assumed to be steady careful pacing, yet during expeditious situations, moving faster is better (Quad Speed). This raises the chances of wandering encounters by +1 for every increase in pace. Unless the entire party wants to leave someone behind, measure movement class by the slowest party member.If it is not clear who is surprising who during an encounter, roll a chance for surprise for each side (2-in-6 chance). Any combatant who has a modified surprise roll (such as elves) can make their roll individually. Distance is determined by rolling 2d6 spaces between the encountering parties. Finally, roll 2d6 on the Reaction table to judge how the nonplayer party reacts to the player party.When unsure how someone might judge offers, barters, proposals or exciting news, reaction rolls can be made to guide their disposition. Reaction rolls have many uses outside of encounters.Reaction
2 is belligerent.
3–5 is testy.
6–8 is ambivalent.
9–11 is chummy.
12+ is BFFs!
If the direction is not obvious, roll a d6. 1-North, 2-South, 3-East, 4-West, 5-Above*, 6-Below*
*(where applicable).
After every two turns moving, there is a 1-in-6 chance of an encounter occurring. When backtracking to exit the dungeon (such as when a session finishes) roll for a single encounter. If traversing multiple levels to leave, roll an encounter chance for each level traveled.While rolling the encounter check, roll an additional 1d6. On a 1, the torch falters and extinguishes. Torches extinguish on their own after 1 hour (6 turns).Torchlight lowers the chance to surprise adversaries to a 1-in-6 chance. Lamps protect flames from the turn check and extinguish after 4 hours (24 turns). It can be handy to designate a single die for torchlight and another for encounters.Time keeping is handy, but if you lose track of it, just settle up and make sure everyone is on the same page before going further. Tallies or strikes are a great way to record almost anything. Advance the turn after party movements, room searches, combat skirmishes, and other noteworthy scenarios.Listening carefully has a 2- in-6 chance to hear the other side of shut doors, through thin walls or down long hallways, giving clues as to what’s beyond the door. Failure produces no fruitful guess. These can act as “perception checks” in your games. Remember, undead make no noise while still!It takes a dungeon turn (10 minutes) to search a room, revealing all nonhidden treasures and details. There is a 2-in-6 chance that they stumble upon hidden items or details while searching. If they specifically act in such a way that would find a hidden thing, no need to roll.The chance to be noticed while sneaking every turn is 1-in-6. Each Meathead wearing heavy foot armor (AC 8 & 9) in the party adds +1 to this chance. Groups of four or more add +1. Other factors or stressors may add +1 at your, the referee’s, discretion. If the chances exceed 5-in-6, then there is no chance of sneaking or catching groups surprised while moving. While sneaking, Meatheads only move at their combat movement rate.

TREASURE

Beyond raw currency, art and gems are the most common valuable objects. Art objects are worth 1d3x100 coins when sold to interested parties if credibly appraised first. Each art object found has a 1-in-6 chance to be enchanted with a random effect (p50), increasing its value by +500 coins. Alternatively, art put on display at a safehouse improves meals eaten there by one step. A Meathead can break a displayed art object to reset their signature move.Coins are simple. Just roll a handful of dice, or a more neatly scaling d66, d666 or d6666 distribution. Why do Meatheads need money? To buy gear, meals and nice things, sadly.

TRAPS & HAZARDS

Traps activate depending on their triggers. A classic pressure plate trap risks a 2-in-6 chance of being set off when walked over. The same can apply for trip wires or falling objects. Specific objects can be trapped to trigger upon interaction. Other traps may have a time limit or countdown to activation. Traps do not reset unless it is otherwise noted.By default, there is no roll to spot traps. So, how do Meatheads detect traps? Depends on the trap and its conditions! Poking about and prodding, throwing sand, feeling for drafts, listening carefully and generally looking for details. When a party completely searches a room, roll for any present traps to trigger (2-in-6). If characters are actively looking for a trap they more often than not find it. Don’t forget that dwarves always have a hunch for traps, hidden things and structural weaknesses when entering a room or hallway but still require a full turn to find them. Discovered traps can be triggered safely by choice, who knows what they do until you try!Meatheads are prone to use their brawn to get out of traps, so let them! Most traps are avoided by making saving throws, but if a Meathead wants to tackle one using a mighty feat just make sure the consequences of failure are clear.Hazards are ongoing effects happening each round. Strong gusts of wind, falling stones, collapsing chunks of floors. These take effect at the end of the round and are usually avoided by passing a saving throw. In combat scenarios, any hazardous effect occurs at the end of the combat round once both sides have acted.For falling into pits and the like, use the following table as a guide. Alternatively, use the table for dishing out damage when someone is thrown or bashed into a surface from a distance.10 Ft (1 space) = Save or 1d6 damage
20 Ft (2 spaces) = 2d6 damage
30 Ft (3 spaces) = 1d3 HD damage +1d3 injuries
Every 10 ft over 30 (4+ spaces) = +1 HD damage and +1 injury.

STARTING WITH A FUNNEL

Generate four or more Meatheads shrimps per player, but don’t roll for gains, just ½ Strength and 1d3 HP. For all purposes you have 0 hit dice. HD-0 shrimps start completely broke with nothing but a loincloth and sack, armed only with their fists. Obviously, shrimps like you cannot enamor any toadies.In a Meat Grinder, all arduous Strength based tasks that a Meathead would easily accomplish can only be done by collective effort. Any attempt at a mighty feat by a shrimp is only successful if they roll double 6s, instantly netting them 1 HD! Otherwise they die horribly.Most aspiring Meatheads won’t make it. Those that do however, go up to HD 1 and gain +1 Strength. Hell, even escaping the meat grinder adventure unmaimed is worthy of praise. Instead of requiring a mighty feat to gain their first HD, a referee may simply rule that all surviving characters gain their first HD, and roll for potential gains as in base character creation. Players can control multiple HD-0 characters and use remaining survivors as toadies.HD 0
No Bonuses
9+

EXTRA TIPS

2in6 is a good chance for most anything to occur.
2d6 is a good amount of anything to appear.
Anything worth doing takes at least 10 minutes (1 turn) to do it.
Days can be split up into four easy chunks: Morning, Noon, Evening, Night. Resting or long activities like hunting, building something or football can be done in those chunks.
You can tell your players the enemy info if it won't hurt your fun.
There are three stats when you think about it: Strength (duh), the HD itself, and even Language Slots. It’s all an illusion don’t you see that yet?
Cut or bulk until you’re happy!

USEFUL PLAYER ROLES

Big Man
The Big Man is the caller for the group. They inform the Referee of the actions that the party has agreed upon, in an orderly and clear fashion. They might be the biggest Meathead, the prettiest face, or the most literate. Whatever the reason, they call the shots. The Big Man is The Big Man regardless of their gender, but also do call them by whatever they want. Don't get it twisted, pipsqueak.
Mapper
Graphs and junk, pen and paper and whatever’s at hand. Just don't lose track of where you’re going or how to get back. Keeping spatial awareness is key for dungeoneering and combat. Simple as that.
Supplementer
The person that keeps track of time, goals, shots fired, potions imbibed, powders snorted, salamanders chewed, etc, etc. They note the benefits or penalties affecting a party, how long they last and how much time has passed. It’s called discipline, cupcake!
Bookie
Someone has to spend time with the toadies and track the loot. Keeping note of names, toadie pay, their location, inheritance, marching order, and any safehouse costs. If all toadies are accounted for, they can’t be sitting around staring at paint dry all day now can they?

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MEATHEADS

Also make sure to visit The Twelve Shoes Inn!

MEATHEADS

First Floor General Description
Doors are circular with a central knob, iron and wood, with warded locks. Doors are unlocked and shut unless otherwise noted.
Low stone ceilings, motifs of spirals, 8 pointed stars, feet, fish and fishing, shells, waves, hounds. Stoney dirt floors. Unlit unless otherwise noted.
Locked doors have a -1 to being bashed.
One way and rotating doors have a -2 to being bashed.
Wandering encounters, roll 1dd6:

1d6Wandering encounters
12d6 goblins.
23d6 giant spiders.32d6+2 slimerats.
41d6+2 ghouls.
5The troll.
62d3 dungeoneers led by the scar faced wizard, Amonius.
The company does not speak of room 11.

Notes & Reminders
Saves asking for specifics (i.e. Save vs Poison) are resolved as you would any saving throw, but specificity is mentioned for bonus possessed by characters.
Descriptions of smells and noises should be given freely. Players choosing to Listen Carefully should be able to glean more than from what is just obvious. As Referee, provide them with extra info hinting as to a room’s contents or what’s far around the hallway corner.Gem Value
.25 - 50 coins
.50 - 100 coins
.75 - 150 coins
1 - 200 coins
Art Objects
1d6x100 coins
Hidden things are found if the room is completely searched for 1 turn. Dwarves and sometimes others have an immediate 2-in-6 chance to see Hidden things as soon as they enter the room.

1. Entrance
Atop a lonesome hill, a pit drops 20ft onto the stone floor, large enough for a prize pig to fit through. The chamber below is lined with wood murals carved to depict boxy hobbs doing daily village activities: fishing, coral diving, shellfish farming, weaving and dying fabrics.

  • Open seashell archway south. Dark, cool and earthy.

  • Closed door north. Quiet with a stench of decay.

2. Spider Pit
Heavy webs that stick to anything they touch, alerting the giant translucent spider nesting here, having a 4-in-6 chance to surprise the party.
Giant Translucent Spider
HD 5, Act 4 Mv 10, AC 7, ST 7+ Attack Bite, as a Battleaxe
Net: Flings a web net over the surprised groups. Tangles between limbs decrease the actions of those caught by 1. This effect lasts until the web is broken by a Strength test or spending an entire turn cutting it away with a blade.
In the room’s center, a 12 feet pit sinks into the floor. 1d6x10 coins are found strewn amongst the webs and bones below. 2-in-6 chance a .25ct emerald is found. The most recent corpse, a roguish type, is nothing left but a desiccated corpse with a toothy gasp. He carries a set of 1d6 thieves tools.

  • Closed door South. Wind blows behind it, a slightly salty smell.

  • Star archway East. Dim sunlight shining from the next chamber.

3. Luck Altar
A stone dais rises a meter up from the floor. Shafts of sunlight pierce the earth above. A cairn altar with a flat stone slab is built atop the dais, carved with spirals and stars. An 8 pointed star in the center, 8 divots in the star’s arms where 1ct emeralds used to be. Replacing these emeralds re-enchants the altar, casting full moonlight down from the ceiling above during night time, even on nights when the moon is not full.
A bronze hobb blade lays atop the altar its hilt the shape of twisting branches.Blade of Woe. As an Enchanted shortsword. Cursed! While dungeon crawling, wandering encounters increase by +1 chance, to a max of 5-in-6. Additionally, foes gain a +1 bonus to hit against you. If discarded, the blade will always find itself returned to the previous wielder during the night until death, unless left back on the altar in room 3.The blade’s curse can be removed by sacrificing eight 1ct emeralds to the Luck Altar in a ritual performed by a sage. Afterwards, the blade is remade, plucked from a different fate. The blade is then remade was a new enchanted shortsword, its thread in the weave of fortune having been redirected.Under the stone slab are d3 1ct emeralds and a blue poultice that adds 1d3 to Strength to tests. Culminating 1-in-6 chance it rubs off after each test.

A. TRAP
The side chamber door is stuck. Inside is a stone chest trapped with itching powder: a sack filled with pollen tied to the lid of a chest bursts in the entire room. Pass a Saving Throw vs Poison or breakout out in itchy welts.
Itchy Welts: Anytime a Strength test is made, roll your first die twice and take the lower result as the welts plead to be scratched. Lasts for 1d3 days. Washing with water doubles the duration, but alcohol will wash it away no problem. Hobbs are naturally immune (and know the alcohol trick).

Inside the chest are d666 coins, a single 1ct emerald and a silver goblet embedded with turquoise stones. On three sides are written in the old hobb "Water" "Moon" and "Silver" - any sage will reveal that under a full moon any salted water in the cup will turn to liquid silver and harden to form the next morning.1d6 large burlap sacks of coarse salt slump along the southern wall. Each weighs 50 lbs.

  • Archway West.

  • Archway Southwest. Faint smell of sandalwood.

  • Closed door Southeast.

  • Stuck door East to side chamber.

4. Stone Alcoves Shrines
Once offering shrines to departed families, these sandalwood alcoves have been pinched of treasure and left with crude goblin graffiti of buttholes and unmentionables. There is enough space underneath to hide.
Goblins have left a fake, but well forged, treasure map on one of the alcoves. It promises a big pile of emeralds in room 19.There is always a 2-in-6 chance 2d6 goblins hide under the alcoves, ambushing the party if their odds are good.

  • Star archways North. Sunlight and drafty.

  • Sun & moon archway South. Darkness and stuffy air.

5. Locked Chamber
The key to open this door is held by the ghouls in room 22. A stone chest contains 6d6x10 coins, 2d6 .25ct emeralds and d3 1ct emeralds.

  • Locked door West.

6. Star Mural Room
Depictions of hobbs following the 8 pointed star of the sky depicting the 9 directions (N, S, W, E, NW, NE, SW, SE, and HERE in the center)
A cool mist permeates along the stone floor. Waving away the mist has a 2-in-6 chance of finding a snail with an opalescent shell. Placing the snail anywhere besides this chamber causes it to slowly crawl back to this chamber at a pace of 6 spaces a day. Its slime trail is luminous, staining the stones as it crawls. This glowing slime trail lasts for 2d6 days. When outside crawling back to room 6, there is a 1-in-6 chance the misty snail will be plucked up by a creature from the wander encounter table (without slightest clue as to who done it!).

  • Closed door North.

  • Closed door South.

7. Boulder Chamber
A 5x5' stone boulder sits in the center of the room, the floor underneath cracked from the weight of it having fallen from the ceiling above, leaving a 5' deep hole. Pushing the boulder requires a Strength test. It can be rolled 2 spaces with each Move, or further to combat/stealth pace if lifted with a combined Strength score of 50. Underneath it is a long dead squished goblin, carrying a sack of 30 coins and a single 1ct emerald.
There’s a 2-in-6 chance of 1d6+2 goblins cramped together in the ceiling hole hiding, ambushing if odds are good.

  • Archway north. Sounds of splashing and cracking. Worm scented.

  • Sun & moon archway south. Dead quiet and dark.

8. Wet Room
The floor gathers several inches of standing water, dark from the mud underneath. Multicolor toads hop around and croak mindlessly. Unbothered by being held, their swirling eyes betray their zonked minds.
Licking the toads causes one to trip. Hard. Save vs Spell. Success learns one spell from the table below. This spell is unknowingly granted by the patronage of the goop imprisoned in room 13. Everytime a meathead casts this spell, a whisper jostles their mind and beckons to be set free.Refusing the spell or failing the test bends one's mind like bars which cannot be mended straight again. Hellish scolding scrapes their brain with barbed tongues, sending madness shivering through spines. A segmented horror wraps around you, feeling that it now claims you. You gain a permanent head injury (-1 to ST) culminating with each failed lick and roll on the table below.Roll d6
1: You barf 6d6 toads and die (death save).
2: You bite the person nearest you, as an unarmed attack.
3: You spew multicolored slime and lose 1 HD.
4: You sit and wail for one turn, having a 4-in-6 chance to attract an encounter.
5: You sweat profusely and stink horribly for 3d6 days.
6: You run to the dungeon exit and refuse to return for 1d3 days.
D6 Spells offered. Can all be collected, just be prepared to explain the toad licking.
1-Break
2-Sticky Fingers
3-Belch
4-Leap
5-Hydrate
6-Color Gas

  • Moth archway west. Strong winds and sea salt smell.

  • Archway north to subchamber.

  • Archway east, drafty.

  • Stuck door on western wall in north sub-chamber. Faint sounds of scraping. Rank stench.

9. Slimerat Nest
Behind a stuck door is a stinking chamber of muck, dripping water and refuse gathered into a fetid nest. 3d6+2 rats have grown to hulking mad monstrosities. They possess a taste for flesh as green slime pumps through their veins.
Slimerat
HD 2, Act 2, Mv 8, AC 4, ST 8+, Attack: Bite, as shortsword
Spicy Blood: Sharp weapons made of metal have a culminating 1-in-6 chance to break with each hit. Wood and stone does not melt from the green slime, but metal dissolves into brittle rust in a manner of minutes. Blunt weapons do not incur such a chance.
The southern chamber is behind iron bars, a stone chest behind it, overgrown with moss and lichen from moisture. Are 2d6 .25ct emeralds, a single 1ct emerald, a meerschaum pipe carved like a mermaid (art object worth 200 coins) and a wavy steel war pick with a ivory hilt carved with seashells and starfish.Claw of the Coast. As enchanted handaxe, but counts as a bashing weapon instead of wedged. Can shoot jets of water from the end, attacking as an enchanted heavy crossbow. It can shoot 12 times before needing to be soaked in water overnight to replenish its “reservoir”.

  • Stuck door East. Splashing and croaking heard.

  • Iron Bars blocking subchamber South.

10. Crabmen Mural Room
Depictions of hobbs arriving from the south, fighting crabmen along the cliffs.

  • Archway east.

  • Stuck door south. Wind whips fervently behind this door, rattling it in its frame.

11. Bone Room
This chamber's western wall and ceiling are open air. Climbing out is treacherous, requiring a Strength test without proper climbing equipment to cling to the wind swept cliffs.
Wind blows in from the sea, whipping violently around the room. There is a 2-in-6 chance of torches being extinguished immediately when entering.Stinking piles of sticky green bones and slimy feathers, pellets regurgitated by the crowmen of the western cliffs, their nest is in the next room south, blocked by slime piles but accessible to them by flying. There is 3-in-6 chance they are present when entering, appearing as 2d6.Crowmen
They love bread and shiny things, +2 to reaction rolls when offered such.
HD 2, Act 2, Mv 6 (12 fly), AC 4, ST 9+, Attack: Claw and bite, as a Spear.
The Drop Off: Two crowmen grapple together as one, combining their grapples vs their foe. If successful, they lift and move the target 10 feet per action. Victims are often dropped right over the cliffside, but may attempt to grapple free.
Spew: Single crowmen that successfully grapples a target vomits forth their stomach contents. Target takes 2d6 acid damage.
A warrior’s corpse, picked and pulled apart. Her plate armor has been melted, as if struck by lightning. She holds a magic sword, Seethe, its name written on the blade in elvish.Seethe. As an enchanted longsword. +2 damage vs wizards and monsters. Before being struck down in death, the wielder of this sword may make one attack for free with a +2 bonus, even when not currently in hand, in hopes of enacting retribution upon their slayer.It is too noisy in the room to hear the other side of any door without a successful listen carefully test.

  • Stuck door north. Silence.

  • Stuck door southwest. Cawing and wing flapping, the smell of birdshit.

  • Closed door southeast. Silence, slight accent that is warm and fishy. 2d6 red feathers blow down the hall.

  • Hidden, but weakened wall east. Dwarves have a 2-in-6 chance to immediately notice the sloppy stone stacking of the wall, signs of hasty building. Opens when bashed.

  • Open air to cliffs along western wall section. Drops down 200 feet into crashing waves.

12. Gaol Entry
Slimy steps behind a false wall turn southwards and descend rapidly. A solid iron door, a single keyhole in its center. This door is opened by the Ornate True key held by the abused hobb skeleton in room 20.
Beyond the iron door, icy darkness lingers, a coldness creeps outwards. 4 Big-Boned Skeletons guard this upper chamber, 2 with long spears and 2 with axes all rushing outwards to chase off any intruders. One skeleton possesses the Ornate False Key to room 13. Their bones reform after 2d3 nights if not destroyed by fire or doused in holy water.Two long stairwells flank the southern wall, both descending downwards 20 feet into the wet, cold earth. A mural above the southern passage depicts 5 brave hobbs in their duty of guarding this solemn chamber, two on the end holding the two ornate keys.Big-Boned Skeleton
Skeletons simply just don't rise on their own accord. Any experienced adventurer knows that their Master is in close vicinity.
HD1S, Act 2, Mv 4, AC 8, ST 9+, Attack: as Weapon
Bony Frame: Slashing damage rolls against Skeletons are at a -1, while blunt and wedged weapons damage rolls are at +1.
TRAP B
Stepping down either stairwell has a 3-in-6 chance to activate their traps. Metal balls pour from grates over the steps, pass a ST or fall down the stairs and into the spikes revealed at the bottom for 4d6 damage. This trap does not reset.

  • Locked iron door north at foot of steps (only bashed by 1 or 2 on the die).

  • Stone slab of carved terrors behind iron bars at bottom of steps south.

13. Slime Gaol
Still water gathers at the low chamber. Cave bugs and slime festers along the cracks in the stone.
The stone slab requires great strength to move, laying behind it is a massive clay jar, grimed with congealed gunk, gurgling belches heard from within. A name in an old hobb is written on the jar: “Smork”. The old hobbs say that their village elders dealt with a warlock in the village decades ago by that name.A voice speaks to you from under the lid, a voice you heard before in toad dreams. It will demand you to feed it, slipping morsels of meat under its lip. When 20 HD of flesh is fed to it, it offers a taste from under its lid. Pass a ST or die, otherwise become immune from poison forever.Smashing the jar releases the goop. Pass a ST or lose 1 HD and have a random body part per the injury table be dissolved by slime as a permanent injury. A dissolved head means instant death, naturally. If this kills you, your body congeals into the pool of green slime.Leaving the jar, it will offer no begging or pleading. It will simply wait. After 2d6 days a group of 2d6 goblins will succumb to the will of the jar. Their blood will turn to green slime as per the rats in Room 9 and they each gain 1 HD.Slime
Wishes to grow.
HD 6s, Act 1, Mv 2, AC 2, ST 6+, Attack: as +1 Mace
Corrosion: Dissolves metal rapidly 1 round after contact.
Engulf: Grapples as +4d6. On winning, slurps up a target absorbing 1d3 HD damage each round. Those in Mail or Plate take Crush damage from melting armor.
Melt: Weapons made of metal have a culminating 1-in-6 chance to break with each hit. Wood and stone does not melt as such.
Green slime can be collected and made into a Slime Rub supplement by a sage.

  • Stone slab blocking passage North, iron bars beyond that.

14. Fetid Nest
The putrid nest of rotting carcasses carried in by gorey talons or puked out of acrid stomachs. 2d6 crowmen dwell here at any given moment, their nests dotting the room among stone pillars, opening westward to the cliffside. 4d6 eggs are kept from dangers in the dungeon, guarded by 1d3+3 crowmen with 2d6x100 coins strewn about.
Wind blows in from the sea, whipping violently around the room. There is a 2-in-6 chance of torches being extinguished immediately when entering.Carvings of a hobb plugging their ears with moth wax. Room was once a colony for wax worms and moths. The pillars are dirtied with birdmess, but have the potential to be cleaned and repopulated.A stone boulder blocks passage to the south that crowmen can easily fly. It leads to a small chamber that is the nest of Nastya the harpy, her red feathers stinking of carrion and perfume. She will bargain with the party if offered treasure. If she is appeased with the value of 1000 coins or more she allows the party to pass safely through Rooms 14 and 11. She will, however, become more greedy, asking for 1d6x50 more coins each time the party passes through. Additionally, there is a 1in6 chance she will instead demand to be brought to a man as payment. This man is taken and made into a new crowman through a profane feather sticking ritual within the night. Those stuck with 222 harpy feathers turn into crowmen and pledge their undying love for the harpy.Nastya The Harpy
HD 5, Act 3, Mv 6 (12 fly), AC 7, ST 6+, Attack: Long reaching talons, as a Polearm.
Stank: Being next the Nastya requires a ST or else you lose an action. Plugging your nose negates this.
Counts herself as cunning but her avarice shows plainly.In her chamber are 2d6 1ct emeralds plus a single 5ct emerald. Additionally, a bright object* can be found gleaming through the gunk pile. D666 harpy red feathers are found here.*Dwarven Volcano Gun: As a Pistol, with being a +2 bonus in the hands of a dwarf. 1 HD damage and Immolates target (as Ongoing damage) on failed ST.

  • Stuck door north. Noisy wind and bird stench.

  • Stuck door east. Silence and a humid fishy smell. 2d6 red feathers blow down the hall.

  • Boulder blocking passage South.

  • Open air to cliffs along western wall section. Drops down 200 feet into crashing waves.

15. Fish Wet Chef
In the open windy air is the stench of boiling fish. A small, lumpy toadman stands near a boiling cauldron, stirring its frothy contents. Benoit speaks in a thick, slow drawl, and is reluctant at first to sell the party soup.
“This some water with a smack of fish to it. I call it “Fish Wet”. No no no, this here fish wet is too flavorful for your tastebuds. No no no. You wouldn’t like these flavorful profiles. No no no.”After brief convincing, he will sell small bowls or fill a vial for 60 coins. The water is just that, boiled fish water. However, astute party members will notice that even after hours of having left this room, their boiled fish water is still piping hot.The cauldron from which the toad merchant, Benoit, is enchanted and anything cooked in it will count as a Modest Meal and stay hot for 7 days. Benoit does not know this, he is just confident in his cooking.

  • Closed door north. Sound of wind and bird stench. 2d6 red feathers blow down the hall.

  • Archway east blocked by a grave slab carved with a star-nosed mole and the name “Olva Mollioliolioli”

  • Secret door north to nest in room 14, Benoit blocks the way.

  • Rotating one way door leading from north to south. Pivots from a single hinge in its center, the door rotates 360 degrees clockwise smoothly, but does not budge when pushed counter clockwise. After 10 minutes, whatever the door position is reset, being unable to open from the South direction.

16. Great Well Chamber
Ceiling mural depicts the sun rising in the east with birth, rising over the ceiling, at the zenith the sun smiles gazing down into a great well, and sets in the west into the paint sea, into darkness and death. The well has a lip of 2ft, carved stone of waves and seashells. The opening is 12ft in diameter.
Shattered glass and rusted, dented metal pieces litter the floor, raising the chance of being detected if sneaking by 1. When revealed, the Stuck Giant in the well will reach out its hand to chase off any intruders.Stuck Giant
HD 9, Act 3, Mv X, AC Lg, ST 6+, Attack: Long reach, blinded -1 to hit, Damage as Greatsword.
Squish: Grapple bonus of +4d6. When grappled, deals Crush damage every turn. If killed while grappled, you’re brought into the well and eaten. Each body eaten bestows +1 HD.
The far west and east walls are out of its grasp, retreating back into the well if unable to reach anyone. Luckily, it has a big stick to jab and smash those out of reach, allowing him to continue attacking with a further -1 to hit and dealing damage as a +2 Maul.There is a 2-in-6 it will be asleep (after first encountering) when re-entering the chamber. Snoring deeply “mi-mi-mi-mi-mi”, it awakens on failed stealth checks. However, it will pretend to still be asleep, then act to catch the party surprised (4-in-6 chance).Four stone carved pillars reach from floor to ceiling, 30ft high around the well. Each time a pillar is broken, there is a 2-in-6 chance the ceiling collapses, increasing in chance by +1 for each pillar broken. Pass a Saving Throw to avoid being crushed for 2d3 HD damage by the collapsed ceiling. This cave-in blocks the top of the well, but does not slay the stuck giant. In fact, the giant will forever be hostile to the meatheads upon meeting them again, being truly stuck now.The giant is distrustful, knowing well the cruelty the little-folk inflict on it and its kind. It is a prisoner of its own doing, becoming stuck here and kept as a mockery to Ur-Nol.Giant’s turn color depending on their emotion.
Fuscia - Anger
Chartreuse - Shame
Indigo - Sadness
Xanthous - Joy
Jade - Guilt
Violet - Fear
Maroon - Love

  • Three archways to a northern hallway.

  • Rotating one way door leading from South to North. Pivots from a single hinge in its center, the door rotates 360 degrees clockwise smoothly, but does not budge when pushed counter clockwise. After 10 minutes, whatever the door position is reset, being unable to open from the North direction. Such doors are only bashed on a natural 1 or 2 on the die result.

  • If you can climb through the well, it leads to a watery chasm 50 feet deep.

17. The Withered Arm
In a low stone ceiling chamber (as a narrow space, tallfolk will need to crouch and move at stealth speed), a dirt floor has nothing but a withered gray skinned arm, desiccated and gnarled. Moving into the room causes the arm to leap and grasp at the nearest target (grapples as 4d6).
If successful, it latches onto the flesh with an avarice grip. The target immediately has 1d3 Strength sapped away and faints. A small bulb of flesh begins to grow on the arms end.After an hour the host awakens. Each following day the host loses 1d3 STR, where the arm absorbs it, becoming bigger and morphing into its own humanoid form. Once the arm saps 14 points, the parasitic arm fully grows into the form of a buff wizard. If the host ever reaches 0 Strength they are absorbed into the growing wizard.Although Mortagetames is not very sorry about absorbing your comrade, he will act as a sage for Meatheads, just asking for a place to set up shop.Burning or dissolving the arm destroys it completely.

  • Closed door north. Quiet and musty.

  • Closed door south. Eerie bluish green glow down the eastern path, darkness down the western. Western path obscured by curtain of animal hides. Carefully listen successfully to hear whether there are goblins gambling in room 20.

TRAP B
A rope dangles from the ceiling, a sign scrawled “YANK ME”. If pulled, the entire ceiling in that space collapses for 2d3 HD damage and begins to crush anything underneath for ongoing damage. There is no Saving Throw. This blocks off passage beyond room 17 unless the stone is lifted or propped into place.

18. Glow Beetle Room
Beetles the size of pint glasses glow like lighting bugs, greenish blue. Their spit paper nest droops in the rooms center, bright wet and squishy. Squirming when held, distressingly shining their rump. as a torch. if hit, 3-in-6 chance it is squashed, it's glowing goo splatter on holder, staining them and causing them to glow for 1d6+2 hours.

  • Archway north. Silent and dark.

  • Archway south.

19. Goblin Gambling Den
A hide curtain blocks the northern passage of this chamber, there is a 3-in-6 chance of the two goblin patrols from both factions playing knuckle dice with the bones of a hobb. There are torches alit, comfy rocks to sit on, and a hidden cask of ale. A circle is drawn in the dirt where the dice are played gobbo style. D66 coins are in the pot. Distracted by the game, they have a 4in6 chance of being caught surprised unless hearing the slam of Trap B up north.
One of the goblins wears a bloodied beard and possesses a dwarven-made axe!Beardface
HD 3, Act 2, Mv 8, AC 6, ST 8+, Attack: as Battleaxe
Goblins
HD 1, Act 2, Mv 10, AC 3, ST 10+, Attack: as Handaxe or Club
Impress beardface: +1 to hit and mettle when around Beardface.
If befriended, the goblins will request that you help them clear out the ghouls from room 21, splitting the treasure to add to their gambling pot.
If no goblins are present, or are chased off, a hobb skeleton will animate, its bones written in a scrimshaw of goblin curses. It cannot speak, but will show passages if treated well. It has hidden the True key to the Poison Gaol (room 13) within the room.
A priest can obliterate the skeleton and permanently banish its spirit to damnation. A sage can uncurse it by rubbing moth wax into the bones. If the latter is done the hobb’s spirit will do one last favor and guide the party a single time safely out of the dungeon.

  • Closed door North curtained off by hide skins. Slight bluish green glow far end of hall.

  • Closed door West. A hollowness behind it, deathly silent.

20. Dale’s Tomb
This chamber’s ceiling tents upwards, small shafts of light shine through on sunny days onto the stone slab tomb of Dale Rhinenail the gemsmith. Lifting the stone lid reveals Dale’s corpse underneath, buried with his ancient, humble gem cutting tools.
Buried with him also is the Octet Gemstone Brooch, 9,000 coin value. It can remove curses 8 times, each time corroding an arm of the star, devaluing it by -500 coins. Placing this star in the Altar of Luck in Room 3 allows you to remove a curse or haunting once per day indefinitely with the help of a sage.An additional treasure of 2,000+d6666 coins are found stacked along the inside of the tomb. 3d6 pieces of fine hobb jewelry line the stone coffin, each acting as an art object.

  • Archway east-north blocked by a grave slab carved with a gemstone and the name “Dale Rhinenail” Slight stench of decay.

  • Archway east-south blocked by a grave slab carved with a gemstone and the name “Dale Rhinenail”

21. Ghoul Nest/Olva’s tomb
The funeral stone for this tomb has been toppled outwards and split. The star nosed mole on the front cracked into two pieces.
2-in-6 chance 3d6 Ghouls reside here at any given moment. The floor is strewn with hobb bones (+1 chance to detect in stealth). A stone funeral slab blocks the passage east to room 15, piled with cold and gnawed bones. It doesn't matter what you were before, the eating of flesh changes you. Their bodies grow long and pallid, teeth elongate, gums always itching for the chewing of flesh. The ghouls are craven scavengers with nothing left to eat, having picked out all the easy hobb tombs years ago. They have survived by eating the stringy flesh of scrawny dungeoneering parties.On a non-hostile reaction, the ghouls grovel and implore the party to open the remaining hobb tomb (room 20) so they might feast on the ancient flesh. They promise to let the party keep whatever treasures may be inside, caring only for the sweet dead flesh.This promise however is shaky. Once a tomb is opened, reroll their reaction to determine how true they are to their word. A 6 or lower they can’t help but rush in and devour the corpse before turning on the meatheads emboldened by ravenous gluttony.The ghouls swear that you gain the strength of people you eat. Through a ritual they can teach you. Simply begin by eating the body of a warrior braver than you.Technique - First Taste
Eating flesh of foes nets you a temporary +1 to Strength for the day, but your hunger becomes more ravenous. Everytime you increase your Strength in such a way, you must eat an additional 10 pounds of unsullied flesh a day, untouched by flame or smoke or salt. Raw and bleeding, the heartbeat felt in blood.
This room once belonged to the tomb of Olva Mollioliolioli, a hobb folk hero who befriended the giant star-nosed moles to root out the treacherous wyrms that infested the outlying hills. Depictions of her taming moles with moth grubs, in turn she appeases the wax moths with a special bespeckled mushroom.100+d66 coins are found scattered if fully searched. 2-in-6 chance of finding 1ct emerald.Starved Ghouls
HD 3, Act 2, Mv 9, AC 5, ST 8+, Attack: Long Claws, as Shortsword. Paralyzing Bite, as Dagger.
Paralyzing Bite: On bite, in addition to damage the target must pass a ST or become paralyzed for 2d6 hours. When paralyzed, they go limp and may take no actions but are fully aware and feel everything. All paralyzed targets are dragged to room 21 and slowly skinned. Unless they are rescued within 1d6 hours, they will die without chance of a death save. When saved from the ghouls, they start at 1 HP. Elves are naturally immune.

  • Archway west blocked by a grave slab carved with a star-nosed mole and the name “Olva Mollioliolioli”

  • Archway east. Coldness and silence creeps the falls.

22. Troll Chamber
An enchanted slab blocks this chamber. Those trying to move it must pass a Saving Throw. Of those who fail, one is randomly chosen to bear the full weight of the stone slab. A fate beset upon the individual, they must defy the accursed stone cast upon them. The chosen must pass this Mighty Feat or are crushed to death.
The stones of this chamber are especially hefty and wide, impressively stacked into cairns. Atop the cairns the fabled Blerggin Stone. Wrapped around in a silver band is inscribed a phrase in old hobb “Those who cannot carry on will be crushed and forgotten.”The Blerggin Stone can only be lifted as a Mighty Feat. Failing your test requires a saving throw vs death. Passing this saving throw means you avoid death by the falling stone, but you may never attempt to pick it up again. The carrier of the stone moves as a Heavy Foot (as per lugging stones in Killnerd). A strength test is required after each movement to hold the stone. Failure means death, you being fated to be crushed to death by the stone.Carrying the Blerggin Stone further than 200ft (generally 20 spaces) will grant incredible leg strength, gaining a +2 bonus to Strength score and are forever able to move as 1 Movement Class better, no matter terrain, weight, or enchantment. The new record is magically inscribed onto the silver bands of the stone, along with your name.d666 coins. 2d6 pearls (50 coins each) 2d6 .25ct emeralds, 1d3 .5ct emeralds and two 1ct emeralds.The troll of the hill dwells here, leading a stubborn and lonesome life. His skin grows pebbly, his frowning face hard set like the cliffs. You will be hard pressed to win him over, but should you he will tell you his name (Benni).Troll
HD 4s, Act 2, Mv 4, AC Lg, ST 7+, Attack: as +2 Unarmed or Great Weapon
Hardy: Cannot be killed unless exposed to sunlight or their thick nasty tail is severed.
Regeneration: Once defeated will regain all HD at the beginning of next round unless properly slain.
Trolls are familial creatures, forming little families in the wilder places. When a troll feels they are deeply embarrassed or insulted by a family member, they become antisocial unless bad blood is amended quickly.

  • Archway east blocked by an enchanted stone slab.

Trap D
There is a 2-in-6 chance of a boulder falling from above, blocking the passage. Pushing the boulder requires a Strength test. It can be rolled 2 spaces with each Move, or further to combat/stealth pace if lifted with a combined Strength of 50

24. Seance Chamber
The aftermath of some profane ritual: candles, broken salt circle, spooky skulls. Yup, has the stink of wizards all over it. Or is that the goat demon they summoned?
This chamber holds a number of great artifacts: 1d6+1 Art Objects, 10,000 coins, 6d6 .25ct emeralds (50 coins each), 3d6 .5ct Emeralds (100 coins each), 1d6 1ct emeralds (200 coins each). 2d6x10 pearls (50 coins each)Potion of Hallsight - Pass a ST to reveal the path forward into the dungeon by 2d6x3 spaces. Failure makes one temporarily blind for a single day.
Birchwood scroll of Protection from Unliving - Unliving creatures must stay 6 spaces (60 feet) away from the reader of this scroll.
Goat Demon
HD 3s, Act 2, Mv 4, AC 8, ST 8+, Attack: as Greatsword
Headbutt: Bashes 4-in-6 chance, shoving you 1d3 spaces. It can launch a Target straight into the air with its horns instead, falling for 3d6 damage unless catching onto something.
Weak Nerves: Will faint if scared.

  • Archways north blocked by stone slabs.

  • Stairway ascending east to trapped stone slabs carved with flexing arms.

  • Secret one-way door west, leading east.

25. Dyldo’s TombBehind the stone slabs a long chamber contains a stone coffin to the western side and slopes upwards to the eastern side.Dyldo’s coffin is particularly taller than others, inside it stands his famous magic wheel barrow, of rich brown wood untarnished by age or the dankness of the tomb. In its bed lies Dyldo Samjee. Even his long dead corpse smiles proudly, holding withered, dried red flowers which do not grow along the coast.A wooden stele shows Dyldo marrying a circus strongwoman who brought him red flowers from the south.If the flower petals are brought to a sage they can be crushed and distilled into a crimson potion granting +2 Strength. Toadies who follow the imbiber never have to test mettle in the presence of their meathead, their fidelity for them becomes unwavering.The Magic Wheelbarrow can hold 60 slots worth of items and be pushed easily by even a hobb child as fast as they can run. It can be swung as a weapon too, acting as an enchanted club. When bashing with the wheelbarrow, foes that fail their ST are instead bonked into the ground, becoming stuck and unable to move until taking a full turn to wriggle out.D6666 coins, 1d6+1 art objects and 3d3 .50ct emeralds lay in the wheel barrow with Dyldo, his skull seemingly smiling with two 1ct emeralds placed above his eyes.This side chamber holds a number of great artifacts: 1d6+1 Art Objects, 10,000 coins, 6d6 .25ct emeralds (50 coins each), 3d6 .5ct Emeralds (100 coins each), 1d6 1ct emeralds (200 coins each). 2d6x10 pearls (50 coins each)Potion of Hallsight - Pass a ST to reveal the path forward into the dungeon by 2d6x3 spaces. Failure makes one temporarily blind for a single day.
Birchwood scroll of Protection from Unliving - Unliving creatures must stay 60 feet away from the reader of this scroll.

  • Two archways north & south blocked by a grave slabs carved with a wheelbarrow and the name “Dyldo Samjee”

Trap C
Sliding the stone slabs violently snap shut, crushing the next passerby for 1d3 HD damage.

26. Workout Chamber
Brass plates and weights carved with hobb spirals. This chamber no doubt saw many warriors train within its walls. All left now are the Oath-Sworn Statues that mill about.
Oath-Sworn Statue
A good man is hard to find, especially one with a job. These ones are not only loyal and exquisitely chiseled, but working too! But, there's a problem. They're not men. Once flesh and bone, now preserved at their physical peak by their master. Skeptical, inquisitive and not about to let you pass.
HD 8, Act 1, Mv 1, AC 8, ST 7+, Attack: as Spear
Stony: Can only be hurt by Blunt Weapons.
Atop a pile of d6666 coins is the Cyclopean MaulCyclopean Maul. As enchanted maul. Deep green metal with a sickly sheen, a bulging eye atop a plain shaft. Foes that are struck must pass a ST or see stars, taking a -2 to hit penalty for 1d3 rounds.

  • Archway West blocked by a grave slab carved.

The Twelve Toes Inn

A smokey roadside burrow some kilometers south of Kilnerd, new faces pass through its door each night. The innkeeper, Sweet Delilah, is considered one of the best chefs this side of the Grey Sea. Her stern expectation of fine quality draws people to detour from their nitpicked planned trade routes for a single meal. She rents warm and roomy beds for 5 coins a night in the sleeping chamber and 20 coins a night for a private room with lock and key (4 available).Sweet Delilah offers the following gear and meals:
Hard cheese, brown bread and salt flakes. Served with wine. As meager meal - 5 coins.
Slow roasted pork served on flatbread with parsley jam, mushrooms and onions. Served with ale or stout. As modest meal - 10 coins.Whole roasted goose spiced with caraway seeds and cider vinegar, plump with a bread stuffing of apples, cheese and walnuts. Served with an aperitif and digestif. As magnificent meal - 30 coins.Spam Sandwich - 12 coins.
A special modest meal. Familiar to any hobb traveling the road by foot, most inns have their own version sizzling underneath their burrows. An amalgamation of meat cheeks press in a salty gelatin patty, topped by a fried egg and coleslaw served on toasted bread. The melt in your mouth bite sings praise upon the tongue. You’ll find yourself more eager to speak with strangers. Gain a +1 to reaction rolls for the day (+3 if offering a sandwich) and treat any half known languages as being fully known for the purposes of speaking. However, the salty sandwich weighs heavy in your stomach. Pass a ST or move as one Movement Class lower (-2 Move Space if already at Heavy Foot).
Ailing Helmet - 25 coins.
A souvenir that proudly displays the Twelve Toes Inn logo. As a helm, but can hold 2 vials, both of which can be drunk together as a single action.
Traders offer all wares found on the weapons, armor and gear lists, with the exception of guns. Instead, each day there is a 2-in-6 chance of a gun trader arriving at the tavern.Toadies:
The Mighty Guys, adventurers for hire - currently janitors at the inn - will toadie after a Strength test or for 50 coins.
Rodge - Grumpy human good at impressions.
Stanjer - An old but fit elf with a bad memory.
Gabers - Always shirtless lizardman who enjoys a smoke.
Jobs
Drink Slinging: Sweet Delilah needs help at the bar so she can focus on making bombastic meals. Lend her a hand for the night!
During your shift, begin by rolling 3d6. Multiply this result by 8. This is the number of coins you would make at the end of your shift. You can however bump this number up by pushing drinks onto customers. Roll another 1d6 to add to the pool. If the result ever goes over 18, the inn gets too rowdy and a brawl breaks out! Not only do you have to settle it, you’ll also end up owing 2d6x50 coins to Sweet Delilah for bar repairs.
Bussing: When flagons and tankards pile high they need the shit boy to pick up the slack. During your shift for the night, pass a Strength test to not drop the dishes. That's it, any big galoot can do it and earn 2d6x6 coins while doing it. But if you drop them, it's coming outta your pockets! Sweet Delilah will expect a 2d6x100 coin value as amends or ban you from the inn.Trade Interpreter: What? A Meathead can’t be verbose? Those with a knack for language can act as an interpreter for traders seeking to be on the same page. To interpret you must first be able to speak both languages in need of interpreting (at least ½ point). Then, roll a d6 under your total language score. As a result of 6 is always a failure. You - and really no one - won’t be seeing any coins from a botched job.2d6 languages, roll twice to pair then add their coin value for the payment. Reroll on repeats.
2: Demonic = 666 coins
3: Dragon = 500 coins
4: Elf = 100 coins
5: Hobb = 60 coins
6: Dwarf = 40 coins
7: Colloquial = 30 coins
6: Orc = 50 coins
9: Goblin = 120 coins
10: Imp = 180 coins
11: Troll = 260 coins
12: Fae = 1000 coins

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